DREAMLAND BLUES

  • Posted on November 17, 2014 at 8:06 PM

Have you ever had a recurring dream that wakes you up with your heart racing?

I don’t analyze my dreams, yet I have had this one dream enough times to wonder

if there’s more to it than just my mind having fun.

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During my college years, to help with tuition costs, I participated in a few pageants.

In my dream, I am set to compete. Before the contest begins, I am busy helping people

around me. Suddenly, I hear music that causes me to freeze. I find myself gasping for

air as anxious thoughts race through my mind. I look behind me to see beautiful

contestants lining up to walk on stage. I notice judges taking notes on their favorites.

I know I’m supposed to be competing,

                                                                               but I am not on stage.

Even worse, I have no idea where my competition wardrobe might be.

As the pageant begins,

I feel the quiet desperation of lost hope as I watch others do what I had planned to do.

                                                                                                         Then I wake up.

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For the past eighteen years, I have loved being home for my two boys. But now, my role

as a mom is changing.My oldest son is off to college. My younger son will be there in

two years.DSC_0067

Maybe I’m entering a season that allows me to dust off some of my goals that

were put on a shelf.

A friend emailed me information about a writers’ conference that resonated with me.

While there, the speakers asked a lot of soul-searching questions. One of the speakersScott Hamilton

said, “In order to know what you should do next, start with the end in mind. Looking

back at the end of your life, will you have pursued what really mattered? When there is

clarity, lives won’t be wasted.” She then asked, “If your life was a book, what title would

yours be?” She gave instructions to take the next few minutes and write down the title

of your story. I sat in my chair, with hundreds of people around me, stumped. I looked

around to see everyone writing.

My page was blank.

Why couldn’t I come up with adventurous, inspiring titles for my life?

For the next few minutes, words would sporadically pop into my mind.

I wrote:

nothing,

frozen,

stuck,

mom,

tired,

done…

As far as an exciting title, mine was not.

After listening to the great writers at the conference, I needed to see if there were longings in

me that needed to be revived. I asked myself, “Does it really matter if I pursue my dreams?”

I rationalized that I already have a wonderful life. I’m comfortable. I have a husband, children,

and family that I love.  DSC_0072But then I thought of my boys—What example was I setting for them?

Would they listen to their hearts if I did not set the example of listening to mine?  I know that, if

asked, I would tell my boys, “ Don’t let fear stop you. Live your life with courage and determination.

Be true to who God created you to be.” Maybe, I need to listen to my own advice.

So this morning, when I once again woke to my missed pageant dream, I looked at it differently

.

Maybe God is telling me, “Enough with the excuses.”

If I want to write, then write. Don’t use the

excuse of being too busy as a reason not to try.

Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and

go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman Center hosts birthday event for late minister | BU ...

 

 

 

 

So, while it’s true I probably won’t be entering a pageant real soon, I will continue to write. There’s something

magical that happens inside of me when I listen to my heart and express it in words. Will I ever

be on the New York Times Best Sellers list?   Time will tell. As far as my dreamland blues, I’ve

decided to chase those blues away!To Women: Be What God Made You

3 Comments on DREAMLAND BLUES

  1. Zivai Manford Chitsike says:

    Thank you very much Lori, its quite an inspiring experience you gone through. I identify with it so much I feel I’m at a junction and just aint sure which direction to take. I also have a suppressed deep longing inside which kills my motivation for anything else.

  2. Linda Eberts says:

    Dear, dear Lori it is good to hear from you and of you. You continue to inspire. Keep writing. It is a wonderful gift God has given you.

  3. Randy Couchman says:

    Lori, so good to see you’ve launched! You’ve entered the dance of your desires to grow and reach and God’s will at work in it all. It’s a beautiful, uncharted and exilirating dance. Well done! Keep going… peace, rc

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